gearing up

The Week That Was

200.4 -- thus endeth my first week.

Although, when I signed up for calorieking.com, I designated Fridays as my official weigh day. And eventually, if I keep plugging away at this, I imagine Fridays will become the significant day. I was just so fed up, and so -- I don't know, I don't even know what the word is for what I was -- nonplussed, yet avid? Jaded, yet desperate to make changes because what I was doing just wasn't working. And to say it like that, to say it "just wasn't working" is so inadequate to the purpose. I was suffocating, so it's equivalent to saying, "could you take this plastic bag off my head please? It's just not working for me."

Anytime in the past I would have thrown myself a Farewell to Food party and started, officially on Friday. But I went to bed Tuesday night last week feeling like if I didn't start in the morning I was Sealing My Fate. Do you know what I mean?

And I should be happy that I've lost 4.8 pounds. But the thing is, I saw 199.2. I was out of the 200s for one, brief, shining moment. I'm hoping that I can nudge it back under 200 by Friday. But I'm definitely in a funk this morning -- a mixture of why the hell did I wait this long, let it get this bad, do this to myself, and why the hell is it taking so long?

A week. One week.

And holding . . .

Scalegod still says: 200.6 this morning.

And I ate right yesterday. Excruciatingly correct. I'm trying to be right today, too, but it's measurably harder. When the Scalegod doesn't reward me, I want to renounce him.

It just doesn't make sense that I start my period AND walk 7 miles, and gain. Aren't I supposed to LOSE the bloat once my period starts? Isn't exercise supposed to BURN calories?

I'm trying to believe . . . clap your hands.